According to anonymous sources at Scotland Metre, police earlier today arrested a battery and a firework.
When asked for a statement, the police said, "oh, don't be daft. Batteries and fireworks are inanimate objects and therefore incapable of committing crimes. Why on earth would we arrest them?"
In other news, Prince Charles recently announced that his dog now has no nose. The Daily Silly asked him, "how does it smell?" His response was, "It doesn't. It doesn't have a nose."
Furthermore, David Cameron recently announced that his wife had gone to Jamaica. We at the Daily Silly asked, "oh, West Indies?" "No," said the PM. "She went of her own...no hang on, we got that wrong, didn't we..?"
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