This is alleged to be a true story. It may well be - based on some of Sarah's tales, I wouldn't be at all surprised...
Helpdesk: "Ridge Hall Computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Helpdesk: "What sort of trouble?"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Helpdesk: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Helpdesk: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Helpdesk: "Nothing?"
Caller: "It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type."
Helpdesk: "Are you still in the program, or did you get out?"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Helpdesk: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Caller: "What's the sea-prompt?"
Helpdesk: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Helpdesk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Helpdesk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light on it that tells you when it's on?"
Caller: "I don't know."
Helpdesk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Helpdesk: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller: "..... Yes, it is."
Helpdesk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Caller: "No."
Helpdesk: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "...... OK, here it is."
Helpdesk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Helpdesk: "Uh, huh. Well, can you see if it is."
Caller: "No."
Helpdesk: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Helpdesk: "Dark?"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Helpdesk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Helpdesk: "No, why not?"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Helpdesk: "A power ... A power failure? Aha, OK, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Helpdesk: "Good. Go get them. Unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store where you bought it."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Helpdesk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "What do I tell them?"
Helpdesk: "Tell them you're too damn stupid to own a computer."
*g*
David.
