Patient: They're those yellow-skinned people in that cartoon series on Channel 4...
And for slightly better humour - I don't remember if I've ever posted this on here before, I know that Spike Milligna (the well-known typing error) died a while before I joined LJ so possibly not*...anyway...
Bluebottle: What time is it Eccles?
Eccles: Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle: Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles: Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle: Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles: What is it fellow?
Bluebottle: It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles: I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle: Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles: Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Eccles: [Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle: Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles: I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle: Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Bluebottle: 'Ere Eccles?
Bluebottle: Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles: What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle: No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles: Oh dear.
Bluebottle: You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Bluebottle: His firm give it to him when he retired.
Bluebottle: It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles: Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle: My granma.
Eccles: Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle: She's got it written down on a piece of paper!
*Actually, turns out I did, and less than a year ago at that. Still, y'can't have too much of a good thing...